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Monday, November 27th, 2006
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11:48 am
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| Sunday, June 11th, 2006
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11:27 am - blah.
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Soo....I'm still alive. Yep. Just regularly using the Myspace is all. Wee.
Um, let's see. I finished my Crew Trainer book, so I've been promoted and within a couple weeks I'll finally have my raise. I'm studying crazy-hard to be a manager as well. Madison's started giving me almost ALL the SOCs she can, and I've passed most...except stuff involving breakfast. Bah. And Heidi's going to start letting me run her floors from now on when we're adequately staffed.
Still staying with Randy and Constance, and my car is nearly paid off. Just a few more paychecks. :)
I'm trying to convince Adam to move here with me, and if he does, I'm moving out of R & C's and in with him. There are some nice apartments near East Lansing that I heard about...very affordable. I'm going to go look into those.
Well, anyway...I have to get home so Randy can change my oil, because I work at three. Joy and happy. *sarcasm* Check out the Myspace if you want, yep yep.
hearing:  blahfeeling: blah
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(I found you in a chain of flowers||)
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| Wednesday, April 19th, 2006
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12:35 pm - If you leave me, I'm applauded, then forgotten...
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| Wednesday, April 12th, 2006
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1:31 pm - Reach out and touch faith...
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Yep, it's been a while.
I moved out of my house, so any of you who've been trying to reach me on my cell...it no longer exists. Or, at least, you can no longer contact me on it. I left it there per demand of my parents. If you want me to call you, let me know and I will. I have a phone card, but no cellphone as of yet.
I'm currently staying with the parents of a coworker (who are the aunt and uncle of a friend of mine) who are simply as nice as can be...Constance has taken to calling me "sweetie" and Randy's trying to fix my van up to its pre-accident condition (since I've been having a lot of problems with it as of late. They're so generous and kind. I do love it there. :)
Um, let's see...ruined a few more relationships this month. I really am starting to believe that I will be alone forever. I can never attract anyone who wants anything more than to use me, and I can't even keep the users. So yeah. I just...fail at everything.
I'm studying to be a manager at McDonald's, since it'll get me my own health insurance (my stepdad was kind enough to keep me on the family health insurance and stuffses) and more money. As soon as I have enough money saved up (or August-ish, whichever comes first) I'll probably be moving to Grand Rapids with Madison and Nate, although it's for new reasons now. I'm no longer going there for Ryan's or Adam's sake...I'm going in hopes of beginning anew. I'm just so tired of feeling unwanted. Hopefully if I leave, I can find something new for myself.
hearing:  depressedfeeling: depressed
hearing: Depeche Mode--Personal Jesusfeeling: Depeche Mode--Personal Jesus
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(I found you in a chain of flowers||1 slept like a marble girl)
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| Friday, March 31st, 2006
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4:41 pm - GAH
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And now, Nikki's Deadjournal presents Adventures in the Public Library, or Why Nikki Seeks To Be Sterilized
Nikki: *happily typing away at paper that needs to be sent out ASAP*
*loud porky kid and ADHD-riddled scrawny child enter library and sit at computers across from Nikki*
Loud Porky Kid: OOHohohOHOHHHOOOHOHOOO!!! FAVOURITE SHOOTING GAME BLAHBLAHBLAH(babble cut off here to save the sane)
Nikki: ......*grits teeth*
Loud Porky Kid: DGDGG DGGG DGGG BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM RATATATATATATATTT (insert more idiotic imitations of gunfire) OHHH LOOKIT THIS I MADE HIS HEAD EXPLODE HAHAHAHAHAHAH *clickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclick*
Nikki: *looks around helplessly for one of the librarians to intervene before she gets manslaughter added to the traffic ticket on her record*
(Loud Porky Kid continues to be, well...loud and porky. And clicky. Finally, Nikki raps on the table.)
Nikki: Didn't your mother ever teach you to be quiet in the library?
(Other library patrons grin in relief as Loud Porky Kid crosses arms and pouts. Nikki resumes typing in peace.)
~~FIN~~
hearing:  I hate children. I HATE THEM.feeling: I hate children. I HATE THEM.
hearing: DGGAIOHI$ENIEORNIO CLICKCLICKCLICK...gonna kill porky kid.feeling: DGGAIOHI$ENIEORNIO CLICKCLICKCLICK...gonna kill porky kid.
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(I found you in a chain of flowers||)
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| Monday, March 27th, 2006
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10:57 pm - x-post from my Myspace
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So today has been the worst fucking possible day ever.
Instead of getting $400+ in my check, I got only $350. Why? Even if you're tax-exempt, McD's still withholds. So I ended up shelling out $100 of my check within 6 hours of getting it. Lovely, huh? I had to buy gas and pay my insurance agent. Grawr.
I made an appointment with my doctor to see her about the UTI, but on my way, I ended up getting into my first real car crash. Yeah. I've only had my van a month and this is what happens. And you know what? They cited ME for it. Even though some twatfuck three cars in front of me was REALLY to blame. But they couldn't track THAT motherfucker down. So now I'm going to get points on MY license and have to pay a fine with money I don't even fucking have...I just want to kill myself. Every single fucking time I think that things might be changing for the better, and that life might finally be looking up...that motherfucker in the sky just throws a little stick in my spokes and sends me sprawling all over the pavement.
Oh, and guess what ELSE? My birth control is negated for the rest of my cycle (which is like three weeks) because of the antibiotic I have to take for my UTI. Which means I can't even get any sex to make up for the other shit in my life. Fanfuckingtastic, huh guys? Course, I couldn't really have any ANYWAYS, because of this fucking UTI...I can't even masturbate because that just forces more bacteria where it shouldn't be. I'm pissed.
Yeah. Excuse me while I kill myself.
hearing:  so fucking overwhelmedfeeling: so fucking overwhelmed
hearing: Rozz Williams--Flowersfeeling: Rozz Williams--Flowers
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(I found you in a chain of flowers||)
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12:20 pm - You make me feel like I am whole again...
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Nothing like being called "precious" when you wake up and being told that someone thinks the reason for their stomachache is "because my body wants to see you and it's punishing me until I do".
^_^
I love feeling wanted.
hearing:  happyfeeling: happy
hearing: Jack Off Jill--Lovesongfeeling: Jack Off Jill--Lovesong
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(I found you in a chain of flowers||)
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| Tuesday, March 21st, 2006
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1:53 pm - Meow.
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| You scored as Violent. You are violent. To you there is nothing better than a good spank. You like scratching and biting 'cause that's what people are for.
Violent | | 100% | Hot | | 94% | Wet | | 75% | Exciting | | 56% | Soft | | 38% | Sweet | | 31% | Shy | | 31% | Awkward | | 25% |
What is your sexual style?
created with QuizFarm.com |
Bwahahahahaha...don't you know it. :P
hearing:  VERY horny.feeling: VERY horny.
hearing: Nine Inch Nails & Static-X--Closer (Trance Remix)feeling: Nine Inch Nails & Static-X--Closer (Trance Remix)
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(I found you in a chain of flowers||1 slept like a marble girl)
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| Saturday, March 18th, 2006
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2:50 pm - Another sporadic and boring update, wee...
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Meow. I live. Yep.
So most of my problems are over right now...the bank erased all the overdraft charges from my account, so I won't end up forking over $150 from that first paycheck. Thank God.
Um, let's see...my cat scared the ever-loving poo out of everyone last night because Becky didn't shut her door properly, and when I came home I set the alarm...and Aurora got into Becky's room and set off the motion sensor in her window. So at like 11.30 at night, I hear this awful SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE noise throughout the whole house. That was lovely.
Does it make me a horrible person if my cat's head is "stuck" in a plastic bag handle, and I'm not getting up to free her because I'm amused as all hell by her contorting and jumping in circles? :P
Um, let's see. What else...hm. Oh, my leg hair is getting really long. I think I should put cornrows in it. Ghetto-fabulous legs. Yeah baby. I haven't shaved in like...geez, nearly two months. :P
Blah. Bored and waiting for uniform to dry. Hungry. The end.
hearing:  hungryfeeling: hungry
hearing: Cradle of Filth--Malice Through the Looking Glassfeeling: Cradle of Filth--Malice Through the Looking Glass
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(I found you in a chain of flowers||)
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| Wednesday, March 8th, 2006
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1:20 pm - Why don't you let it shine...
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| Sunday, March 5th, 2006
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11:25 am - People say I'm insane because I am frowning all the time...
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So my birthday's in about nine or ten weeks now, aye...
If anyone here wants to be super awesome and get me presents (which would be kind of nice; not many people really remember me at all), this is what I want.
~~ A new pair of boots. I miss those knee-length cheapy stripper boots from Hot Topic that I used to have, and I want a new pair. If you want to buy them for me online and ship them to me, lemme know. Or you could just give me a gift card. :P Either one.
~~ Sheet music. I want to learn to play piano for the following two songs:
* Sisters of Mercy's "1959"
* Rozz Williams' "Flowers"
~~ Any books on malicious sorcery that you can find. I think most of you know why.
~~ If anyone's heading to Canada any time soon, I'd love to go. :D
~~ A party. I never really have one because I don't have enough people to come or anything, not to mention I don't know where I'd have one. So if someone in the greater Lansing area would like to throw me a party, I'd be a very, very happy panda.
That's about it, I guess. The things I REALLY want -- someone to love me, that sort of thing -- aren't really attainable, so...yeah.
hearing: forgottenfeeling: forgotten
hearing: Type O Negative--Paranoidfeeling: Type O Negative--Paranoid
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(I found you in a chain of flowers||1 slept like a marble girl)
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| Friday, March 3rd, 2006
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10:26 am - You let me desecrate you...
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So the Myspace I never wanted is now (more or less) in working order and stuff...sooo...yeah.
www.myspace.com/loverofsin
Yep.
Time to get dressed now before the Culligan man shows up.
hearing: blahfeeling: blah
hearing: Nine Inch Nails & Static-X--Closer (Trance Remix)feeling: Nine Inch Nails & Static-X--Closer (Trance Remix)
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(I found you in a chain of flowers||)
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| Thursday, March 2nd, 2006
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7:59 am - My sad picture of girl getting bitterer; can you extract me from my plastic fantasy?
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omg.
I slept last night. I mean...REALLY slept.
And I had no stress upon waking up. My mother hasn't even said one negative word to me at all.
And I got to watch the rain out of my window.
^_^
hearing:  at peacefeeling: at peace
hearing: The Dresden Dolls--Coin-Operated Boyfeeling: The Dresden Dolls--Coin-Operated Boy
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(I found you in a chain of flowers||)
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| Wednesday, March 1st, 2006
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11:13 pm
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I got the job! :D
It was really funny...I was in and out in literally five minutes. The manager who interviewed me was one with whom I'd worked before, way back when, and she remembered me. Plus she said she knew a lot of people within the company who'd vouch for me being a good worker.
Orientation is Friday. Wee! Now I can quit Goodhell and get some fucking money. Yeah, it's still only paying $6/hr...but 40hrs/week > 8hrs/week. :P So I'll start getting some more money put away, hopefully. Wee!
So tomorrow I'm definitely sleeping in with no dread of hearing my mother say, "So, what are you doing today?" I finally did everything that'll get her off my back. Almost. I still need to move out...but that won't be for awhile now, hehe.
Anyway. Nightynight all. I'll be sleeping (almost) peacefully tonight. ^_^
hearing:  tiredfeeling: tired
hearing: Futurama on TVfeeling: Futurama on TV
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(I found you in a chain of flowers||)
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3:42 pm - This is my favourite sad story...
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Yep, interview in an hour.
Wee.
I need to shower...and whenever I leave, I'm going to find someone to get me drunk. I'm still a bit depressed about things.
But hey...spring break this next week! Wee!
hearing: mopeyfeeling: mopey
hearing: Rozz Williams--Flowersfeeling: Rozz Williams--Flowers
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(I found you in a chain of flowers||)
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| Tuesday, February 28th, 2006
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10:02 pm - You know, it's been one of those days...
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I think I just found a new favourite song of all time.
This is my favourite sad story,
Forget me not or I'll forget myself
I've got quite a few things that I'm afraid of
sometimes I just can't face myself
This is my favorite sad story,
Forget me not or I'll forget myself.
I guess I'll tuck myself away tonight,
you know it's been one of those days.
Every pretty flower,
every lovely flower,
every deadly flower
hides its light inside of shame.
I do not know why you don't know,
I cannot reap what you have sown
Beneath this blanket of loose soil,
wrapped around my mortal coil.
Well a stem is not a rose,
but that's how my garden grows.
I can't see the forest for the trees,
the stinking poison for disease
Now it's all shot to hell and back again.
I seek redemption for the
same old sins and I fall on my knees,
And I pray that all the poppies they
they will just fade away.
But fields of poppies they remain.
That's how they found me last time, dead
This is my favorite sad story,
forget me not or I'll forget myself.
I've got quite a few things that I'm afraid of,
sometimes I just won't face myself.
This is my favorite sad story,
forget me not or I'll forget myself
I guess I'll just tuck myself away tonight
you know its been one of those days.
Every pretty flower,
every lovely flower,
every deadly flower,
hides its light inside of shame.
I do not know why you don't know,
I cannot reap what you have sown,
Beneath this blanket of loose soil,
wrapped around my mortal coil.
Irises lay in spring mud,
where lovers drown each other's sorrows,
Where lovers dream about tomorrows.
As for me I drown another kind as
sadness runs course through my veins.
Posie wreaths they crown me.
My heart, My heart
I should just fade away, fade away
Like a flower...
hearing:  stunned by beautyfeeling: stunned by beauty
hearing: Rozz Williams--Flowersfeeling: Rozz Williams--Flowers
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(I found you in a chain of flowers||)
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1:39 pm - I'll do anything to make you come...
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8:15 am - See, I've loved an angel...
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Some days I really wish I could get on 127 and start driving south until I found someplace with people who cared about me more.
If I disappear again, that might just be the reason.
hearing: numb and fragilefeeling: numb and fragile
hearing: Coal Chamber--My Mercyfeeling: Coal Chamber--My Mercy
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(I found you in a chain of flowers||3 slept like a marble girl)
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| Monday, February 27th, 2006
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1:14 pm - One of these days you're going to realize just who you threw away...
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| Friday, February 24th, 2006
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5:16 am
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So it was brought to my attention that I forgot to mention the interview.
Well, that's because it was a crock of shit.
I went there, only to be led into this stuffy little room with a handful of other people, and eventually some guy (who made me think he might've been a used car salesman at some point) came in and talked to us...they wanted me to be an insurance agent. :|
So yeah. I told them I wasn't interested afterwards and left.
Anyhoo. Did you know that there is a cartoon titled the Gary Coleman Show? I didn't until I had to wake up this early. O_o It was on Adult Swim.
But yes. I must be off now to retrieve my van and get breakfast. Wee. Bye now.
hearing:  sleepyfeeling: sleepy
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(I found you in a chain of flowers||)
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